So, given that today is the day before Glenn Beck’s 9/12 Project will supposedly come to fruition, I decided to go a bit out of order and cover the section of Common Sense that has to do with the 9/12 project. Lucky you! And due to the especially short nature of this part (one whole page!), I can basically quote the entire thing and still have it fall under fair use!

The 9/12 Projects has 9 Principles and 12 Values. The values aren’t really that interesting, just stuff like ‘Hard Work’, ‘Gratitude’, ‘Honesty’, that sort of thing. The 9 Values is where the real crazy is at.

1. “America is good.” No, no no. America is not fundamentally good or fundamentally bad. It is fundamentally America, and the usage of ‘American’ as a synonym for ‘good’ is one of the most disingenuous, jingoistic (god I love that word), and scary things to come out of modern American political discourse. America’s laws, and even its constitution can change. I might be reading a bit much into this, but I guarantee you that when people say ‘America is good’, they don’t mean that it’s good right now, they mean that it is impossible for them to imagine a scenario in which America does wrong; to them, whenever the nation-state acts in a way perceived as ‘wrong’, it’s not actually America doing it.
2. “I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.” Stylistic issues aside (what the hell is with the noun capitalization, are we speaking German again?), this one is rather… interesting. Does that imply that belief in God is necessary to be a true-blue American, and that atheism is a sure-fire path towards moral decay? Oh, sillly me. 11 pages back, he says “It wasn’t about any one particular creed, dogma, or church, but rather about all religions that inspired men to selflessness, virtue, and godliness.” Oh, of course. Note the monotheistic language; although I’m sure he didn’t mean to offend polytheists (I hope he didn’t, anyway), I wonder how he’d react if someone asked him whether prayer to his Gods is an important part of his life.
3. “I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.” There’s not much to say about this one; not much can be said. Honesty is good, yadda yadda. Moving on.
4. “The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.” If I were the sort to really, really read into things, I would read this as saying that Glenn’s had some trouble with Child Protective Services and/or domestic violence claims. But nothing’s coming up, so eh. But really, what the hell? Is he saying that each family unit is its own little sovereign nation-state which should remain unburdened by petty government laws? Because that’s what I’m getting out of it. Am I the only one? No?
5. “If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.” So… are there no such things as extenuating circumstances now? Does that mean that he supports life sentences for the corporate heads who literally embezzle million of dollars? I know if I stole a million dollars from a bank I’d never see daylight again. But no. I’m just a poor non-corporate-executive, I don’t get special treatment. Example (click for big, link to story):
   

   Homeless man gets 15 for $100; AIG exec gets 4 for millions.

6. “I have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results.” This is another one of those things that seems innocuous at first, but then you look at the subtext and you realize what he’s actually saying. He’s basically implying that there’s no welfare right here, that if you try your hand at entrepreneurship and you lose everything you own… tough shit? Good luck next life?
7. “I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who i want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.” So… no taxes then? And let’s not forget that you work hard by driving to your job on government-funded roads, using government-funded traffic lights; the reason that people aren’t speeding is because of government-funded police and the government-funded court system, and in case your house burns down, the government-funded fire department will be right there. BUT OH NO I HAVE TO PAY TAXES WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT.
8. “It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion.” No objection here. He’s free to be as goddamn crazy as he wants on-air.
9. “The government works for me. I do not answer to them; they answer to me.” To that, I just have this to say: “And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.” The purpose of government is to serve its citizens, yes, but it’s impossible for government to serve its citizens when they refuse to give it something back in return. Think of it this way: when you were growing up, your parents’ responsibility was to take care of you, yeah. But you had to give a little as well. It’s not a perfect metaphor, but it gets the point across.
   • Honesty
     

     Illegal immigration IS part of current health care proposal and the current legislation WILL extend benefits to Illegals.

   • Reverence: This one is actually rather hard; most of the 9/12 crowd seem to be out-and-out devout Christians. But the whole ‘NO GOVERNMENT TAXES’ thing kind of conflicts with “Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s.” (Matthew 22:21).
   • Hope: I’ll give them this: they actually do have hope that they can make a difference.
   • Thrift: “[Glenn Beck] is currently a resident of New Canaan, Connecticut, where, in May of 2008, Beck applied for a special permit to place a six foot wall around his home citing “security concerns” and “angry audiences.”“. That can’t be cheap.
   • Humility
     
   • Charity:
     

     Americans are the most generous people in the world, but we believe charity starts at home. If we allow this government to bankrupt us, not only will we not be able to give to local charities, but people all over the world will suffer. The best charity we can do is to strengthen our private sector. This will give productive jobs (vs. taxpayer-funded “make-work” jobs) to the needy instead of handouts, and will prevent others from losing their jobs and becoming needy.

     You see, giving money to corporations is the real charity. Also nice job speaking for ‘Americans’ as a whole, you dick. Shows a lot of humility there.

   • Sincerity: See below. I don’t think it’s possible for a sane person to talk like that.
   • Moderation
     
     Skip a minute or so ahead where he absolutely flips the fuck out on air.
   • Hard work
     

     This man is as Un-American as one can get! Those images of people jumping to their deaths in N.Y. will always be in my mind, NEVER TO FORGET. Now he wants to claim that day as “National Day of Service?! Americans NEED to be reminded frequently why we’re at war, and those videos of 9/11 will do just that. I can’t wait for that day of “change”.

   • Courage: So far all this is just talk, talk, talk. I guess we’ll see how many people show up on the 9/12 protests proper.
   • Personal responsibility: Looks like a certain Glenn Beck can’t succeed in the free market after all; sponsors are pulling ads from his show. But of course, this isn’t him failing at capitalism, it’s THOSE EVIL LIBERALS.
   • Gratitude: I’d argue using government-funded roads an the government-created Internet to bitch about how the government can’t do anything right certainly counts.

And now we come to the 12 principles. For this, I figured it’d be more entertaining to find a post on the 9/12 forums or something from beck himself that violates each principle, in subtle or in flagrant ways. Enjoy!

Anyway, that’s it for the 9/12 project. As I said before, I’ll be doing chapter 4 next, where Glenn Beck talks about the perks and privileges of the political class. Guess how many of them apply to executive CEOs? (hint: most of them!)